I used to write ghazals and about mundane emotions here and there when I was a teenager and mostly dark emotions use to attract me more than happy ones. I never knew the reason why? Once, my dad found out the diary where I scribbled few ghazals and asked to stop all this. Well, I stopped writing ghazals to keep their honor . Whenever any ghazal used to come in my mind, I used to sing that and feel happy. If I used to remember what I compose, I used to share them with my close friends. I remember I had a friend who used to ask me to sing a line and used to complete the next one😊 . Life moved on, and all this was lost somewhere in the hustle bustle of responsibilities and ambitions.
Last year something unusual started happening, I started to write and sing bhajans. Words started flowing along with the tune on their own, and started composing bhajans. One day, my six year old asked me to record the voice so that he can listen to it later. It’s been a month I was giving this a thought that whether these bhajans that I am singing is a distraction to the sadhana. Should I spent time writing, singing and posting these bhajans or leave everything else and intensify the sadhana. Sometimes, I think the bhajans I sing might inspire someone to think of Lord but then I think maybe, this is just a spurious ego who wants some identity from the world.
Last week, two events happened that gave me clarity about the inner turmoil and conflict. First, I dreamt about Swamiji 😍😍😍. Yes, I saw Swamiji in my dream. I understand Swamiji did not really come in my dream and it was a figment of my own imagination due to thinking too much about him. But, I saw him in my dream and he said, “You are not yet ready for the Kundalini meditation”. Just focus on normal concentration techniques. When I woke in the morning, I was not sure what should I do? I subscribed for the Kundalini virtual meditation from Swamiji and started doing that sadhana from this year. Well, I did my pranams to him and went for the sadhana. However, you could guess that my heart was not there.
Just two days back, one of the person I know texted me that his husband is a musician and he really liked the bhajan that i sang recently. He said, the Sruti and taal are perfectly in place. She said that his husband has given background music to enhance the effect and she send the revised audio to me. I was puzzled for a moment, I told her that I have not learnt music formally and I am just a bathroom singer, I haven’t sang the bhajan in any Sruti and taal. Then she told me that I sang that bhajan in Raag yaman and she encouraged me to continue singing. Finally, I was able to relate these two events and see what Lord was trying to tell me.
Firstly, Lord was trying to tell me that I am not yet ready to devote all my time for sadhana and need to exhaust my creative vasanas to progress ahead. Second, music belongs to Lord alone, it comes from him and if it is coming, one should take it as a will of Lord and become an instrument for the music to flow. Thirdly, the music and bhajans might have an impact on someone and if with sincere heart, I will offer these to Swamiji while putting them on this forum, he will take care that not even an inch of pride enters my sanctorum of heart. Lastly, I promised I would not try to sit and compose bhajans, I would only collate the bhajans that will continue coming to me naturally so that I remain detached from them.
When this turmoil subdued, the inner silence captured me and I could once again behold the Lord’s glory. In that silence these words and music flowed to me, I share them with you all as an offering to Swamiji and Divine.
Lyrics and translation :
Tere naada se chalati dharati ,
The entire world moves on its own, you being present within as a cosmic vibration,
Tu hi to sabka hai daata rama,
You alone are the refuge and provider of all what moves and moves not,
Jhana- Jhanana bahe nadi ka jharana ,
The river of life flows majestically like a sweet ringing in the ears,
Pihu Pihoo kare papihaa gaana,
As the clanking of thoughts cease, life sounds musical like a song sung by cuckoo,
Geet hai kai shun kai hai,
So many songs emerge, so many beats come forth,
Ek naada se kitni taala,
The source of all beats is one cosmic vibration, like river merge into ocean, all sounds merge into You,
Aumkaar ki ek naada, Aumkar ki ek naada,
There is only one rhythm that flows as life in all,
Naada se yeh shrishti vistaar,
One rhythm alone flows as life in all,
Aumkaar, Aumkaar, Aumkaar,
Lord speaks to us in form of silence within, Aum is his Name, form and sound.
Jai Shree Hari 🙏🙏🙏
Hari Aum Tat Sat 🙏