Yesterday, I received an email from a devotee with a beautiful heart but who is still struggling to overcome a tragic loss. While I was typing the response.. it struck me that the answers to my grief lived in this response as well. Perhaps it might be of some use to others too.
Here goes her email, verbatim ( minus a couple of lines )
I take the liberty of writing to you on your mail id since comments were not solicited on os.me. You had shared it with me when I visited the ashram with my daughter. Little has changed with time, the grief feels like lead and the sadness feels like an emotion that envelopes us like a tall giant powerful wave.
“Mistakes of my past have already taken flight….. “so beautifully expressed that I read and reread the lines… You validate the grief that we all carry in different measures. Many of us…. And it feels just like you described it.
So please don’t be apologetic. You lead the way…for so many of us Sushreeji, that we may verbalize and normalise it , so that we are mainstream too! Grieving people also take up as much space in the world as so called heroes do.
And then, like you said we are UNFINISHED….
May Swamiji’s grace be on all of us, alike ….
With warmest of regards and lots of love
Here’s the response ( a part of it)-
Jai Sri Hari my dear,
My sorrowful heart burst into happiness at the recognition of pain that I live with. As absurd as it may sound just like a lost traveller rejoices at the sight of another one, we do too when our pain reverberates as acceptance in someone’s eyes. More than a solution out of it, our hearts need to be heard and accepted.
I was still in this fanciful state when Swamiji’s wisdom almost plucked me out of my chain of thoughts and here’s what the heart resounded with a might –
A challenge awaits me at every corner
A push stumbles my walk
while I struggle to balance as I stand after a night struck by fearsome hawks
Grief is as much worth embracing
as it is detrimental
A surge of excitement divulged my heart
at the vision of a world
with a space
a silent corner
for the ones
with a broken heart
Then it slowly dawned
the passage of time
and the beauty of grief
sucks the life out of our lives
What’s left is not us
remains gnawed of our displeasured self
a loss of perspective never lets
this realisation flocks our sight
It is we who were born with intellect
that we sold at a petty price
the solace of sorrow
costs dear in hindsight
May Sri Hariji and Swamiji‘s grace indeed pull us out of our sluggish lives where we lie entwined in a pensive state !!
My humble obeisances at the feet of my Guru and God for we may not know but they still watch over us one and all!