If you thought that I’ll write about Swami’s I love you post, think again. Wrong.
But before I move on to today’s post, just to remind you:
Nearness is love and love is nearness. ~ Om Swami
Now that you’re all mushy and soft, let me share a thought provoking post, which has been on my mind for a while, albeit on and off. It’s not as lovey as the above post (Feel free to go read that beauty again!).
We love many people in our lives, but have we ever wondered why we love them? Or why we’re nice to them? In fact, we are very quick to like or dislike people based on our own tendencies. Some people become our good friends, whilst others are good riddance.
However, have you ever questioned your niceness towards others? We often befriend people based on their background, profession, labels, high-class connections, social reputation or even based on their looks sometimes. Although it may be subtle, we always know, exactly why we are approaching or getting to know certain people. However over time, the relationship becomes natural and we dismiss our initial intentions. We may fool ourselves into believing that we really do love the other person, or perhaps we do. Because, truth be told, of course there are certain people in our lives whom we can’t live without and we love them without any ulterior motives.
But if any of you would like to know our intent behind our love or relationships, here are some questions which could help us get a clearer insight into this matter. I used some of these myself, and to be honest I did disappoint myself sometimes.
So, without any further ado, here we go:
1. Are their labels appealing to you?
I think this one is quite straight forward. Very often, if we get an opportunity to befriend some highly ranked people, we’d take it. And usually someone with great labels is in high demand by our perfect little society.
So, ask yourself:
- Am I being kind and ‘showing love’ to this person because of their label (of Doctor, CEO, Board Member, Billionaire, Celeb)?
- Do I love them because their labels also give me a push?
- Have I always been attracted to certain labels and hence I am now ‘loving’ this person? (Think back and contemplate on this, it may help)
These labels can be anything! Profession, location, social status, wealth. Anything.
2. Do they have something you need or want?
Very often while ignoring our original intent, we forget that it is possible that our kindness is only a business transaction. The other person has something we need and we would be willing to let go of them if they stop being of any use to us. And again in this case, it can be anything: Knowledge, emotional support, love, money, status, connections, time or even just for our leisure.
And as am Super Minion, here are some questions which could help in this case:
- What is this person giving me? (Think deeply and make a list. You can start simply with things like: Time, advice, love, support)
- What am I giving this person? (Again, think deeply and ask yourself what you’re providing them. Is it a one-way relationship? If yes, red flag!!)
- Can I leave this person? If not, why not? What would I lose?
And that should help us understand whether we are in any type of ‘ship’ (relationship, friendship, pirate ship (just kidding)) for our own benefit!
3. The ultimate question: Would you still love them if …
This one always helped me and I think it is the ultimate eye opener.
- Would you still love them if they had nothing?
Nothing at all. Including their labels, degrees, job, money, house, car, etc. Would you still love this person if they were stripped off of everything they have. What if they were on the streets and all they were left with was their body, intellect and personality. Would you still remain by their side, help them and love them? Give yourself an honest answer.
Now, if your answer is a yes, congratulations! I think it may be love!
These steps and questions always help me determine the truth behind my intent. And as Swami says, if we remain truthful to ourselves, we are okay. Now, even if you do find out why you are with someone, be it a friend or lover, you can always consciously shift your attention and love them for who they are. Then eventually we strengthen and purify our love for them.
So, why do you love who you love? No, no, you don’t have to tell me, or them … Answer that for yourself. Quietly (Sshhh)