Every night (after 9pm), I feel a certain void within me. I used to feel that I’m lonely and then as a reaction or response to it, I used to haphazardly message people from my contact list in hope of starting a meaningful conversation. But, even when I could talk with people, that feeling…that void didn’t go away. 

Even in college, I tried and sought friendships with people with whom I could have deep and meaningful conversations. In college, I talked to one such person. I tried to spark a deep conversation but in the end it left me feeling frustrated because I thought I uttered some wrong statements, I was misunderstood and I overshared my feelings and aspirations with a person I didn’t trust as much.

I realized that even in presence of company and friends, I feel that void. So, this void is not due to loneliness, for, what is loneliness but a feeling of  sadness due to a lack of company or friends. I do not feel lonely. There is a thin line, a subtle difference. I seek someone to quench my inner thirst of feeling understood, being accepted as I am, for search for a person who can understand and feel my true self, and who can understand and empathize with me for the void I feel within me.

And such a person is difficult to find in this material world, because everyone is struggling with their own problems and everyone is seeking the same love for themselves. They are themselves thirsty and unfulfilled in terms of their desires, expectations and feeling loved and, so, they don’t have the capacity to provide that kind of love to somebody else.

In most cases, it is difficult to have a person in your life with whom you can have regular day-to-day interaction because people are busy and facing issues in their own life and also, because changing circumstances make people behave in changing ways. So, the presence of someone in your life may not be constant, just like it is said- in life nothing is constant. 

Nobody can fill the void which you feel within you, for everyone is feeling the same void, the same hollowness and no one knows how to fill it. Everyone is in the same boat, and, so, it would be too much of an expectation to expect them to fill yours. They don’t have the capacity. They are all seeking. They are all searching ways to fill themselves with love and the feeling of warm embrace. And, they are all learning.

Therefore, it becomes imperative to seek such love within one’s own self. It also becomes imperative to seek something Higher, to seek- God, for only He can provide that love which one seeks, and fill that void which one feels.

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Nalin

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