Living in constant sadness by mayur

Hii my name is Mayur im 27yr old , i have read many spritual books recently i have read your book’ if truth be told’
from the very early age like 7-9 years questions about my existence and who creates universe keep pooping in my mind, i still stay very sad and unfulfilled even though i have read books by Jiddu.krishanmurthy , Osho , echart tolle , Swami vivekanand , Sri m and many other spritual leaders and i understand their teachings even sometimes i think i have a same mindset what a enlighten person has but still i lose controls i understand everything about spirituality but there is no progress in me at all .I cries alot feel helpless i have a responsibility of my mother so i cant even go to himalayas for sadhana .
My childhood had passed watching my parents fighting , he is a very heavy drinker so after my graduation i keep my mother with me in mumbai i left my home and my dad . Im working in a private company with very low salary
I dont know how to overcome this emptiness and sadness in me but know that only i can help myself out . I know that my desire of getting enlightenment is the biggest obstacle for my Spiritual progress
I have never met any enlightened person which i very eagerly want to it would be a very great help if i can have your darshan and blessings

Thanks